Crassula Ovata,also known as a jade plant or money tree, is a long lived and easy to care for indoors plant. Said to bring good fortune, these plants are used in Feng Shui and frequently given as presents at weddings and halloween parties.
The power of the money tree comes from its roots, which are made entirely of decirculated £5 notes. When the Bank of England switched to polymer notes, they accidentally caused a 56000% population increase in money trees. The vernal plague descended upon homes nation-wide, balancing the country's Feng Shui and triggering a 7% rise in inflation.
The leaves of the money tree can be brewed into herbal tea, which will grant the drinker the ability to make sound investments in stocks and shares. Unfortunately, any returns on these investments will be uncollected as the tea is also highly poisonous.
Average Lifespan: 50 years
Approx Weight: 5 kg
Cuteness: 12
Wits: 24
Top Trumps Rating: 48
Don't be alarmed by the name of this plant, the word "spider" here refers not to the insect but to the plant's ability to spin webs. The webs appear around march between the long, draping leaves and are used to catch pollen drifting on the wind from other spider plants. The webs are very fine and sticky, but light enough that any insects that fly into them are not ensnared. Instead, the web will break off and remain attached to its carrier, allowing further dispersal of pollen. Despite years of study, not a single person has ever been able to identify the substance that makes up the webs of the spider plant, nor do we know why a magnet wrapped in spider plant silk will spontaneously heat to temperatures of 140 degrees celsius or higher.
Spider plants prefer humid environments with a plenty of natural light. Popular house plants, they can be found on the windowsill of students in every accomodation, and my flat is no exception. Due to their frequent reproduction, many keepers of this plant find that they can support a small income stream by selling small spider plants to anyone who will take them.
Average Lifespan: 7 years
Approx Weight: 2 kg
Cuteness: 76
Wits: 31
Top Trumps Rating: 55
Cacti are desert plants, adapted to long periods of hardship and neglect. Some species can survive up to 2 years without more than 5mm of rainfall, others withstand day-night temperature extremes of up to 60 degrees celsius. This durability makes them excellent houseplants for university students.
Most cacti sprout knowing their own name, gifted to them by the earth. Knowledge of this sacred denotation grants power over the soul of the cactus and as such is a highly researched area of horticulture. Current research suggests that humans may be unable to discover cactus names due to our inability to make peace with nature, and also because cacti aren't very good at introducing themselves.
Average Lifespan: 12-40 years
Approx Weight: 4.6 kg
Cuteness: 39
Wits: 86
Top Trumps Rating: 88
Fun facts!
